sherry “punching bag” birkin

hello my name is meghan and today I will prove to you that jake muller’s campaign in re6 existed solely to humiliate, injure, and emotionally damage sherry birkin.

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(warning: image heavy post that contains gore and spoilers!)

on today’s episode of “I Shouldn’t Be Alive,” we have a guest appearance by jake muller, who emerged from a helicopter crash unscathed!

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his partner was not so lucky.

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RIP THAT BITCH OUTTA HER JAKE

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OH GOD NO I CHANGED MY MIND AGH SHIT STOP THAT LOOKS SO PAINFUL

it’s okay, though. she has healing powers!! TAKE THAT, DEADLY WOUND.

moving on, our heroes navigate a frozen mine shaft, being hunted by ustanak every step of the way.

he was a bit of an asshole.

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I sure hope that advanced healing can unbreak every bone in your body because golly gee ma’am

~*FLASH FORWARD AFTER SIX MONTHS OF BRUTAL TORTURE BY THE HANDS OF NEO-UMBRELLA*~


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(no biggie.)

jake gets to see her boobs, kind of

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but then he says this:

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and sherry’s all:

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so they escape from the facility on a motorcycle and sherry ends up clinging to a helicopter for dear life lest she fall and splat in a way that not even the g-virus can fix

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jake catches her, thereby preventing a sherry road smear! BUT THE MYSTERY REMAINS: WHO UNLEASHED THIS HORRIBLE VIRUS UPON THE WORLD?

they meet up with her old friend leon, who politely informs them that it was derek simmons, sherry’s boss and legal guardian.

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she and jake angrily confront simmons alongside helena and leon.

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simmons responds to her accusations by gloating, then orders his men to gun down leon and his partner while taking sherry and jake into custody.

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after she and jake come to and realize they’ve been captured (again,) sherry apologizes for allowing herself to be eloquently played like a violin and proceeds to feel immensely guilty.

with chris and piers’s help, she and jake manage to escape the facility where simmons has them sequestered. they face off one last time against ustanak, whom jake punches right in the mug, and attempt to make a clean getaway.

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YEAH RIGHT

finally, a chance arises for sherry to redeem herself. a gun is loosened from the cargo, and she grabs it, fully prepared to land the finishing blow on ustanak.

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all is well in the end, as jake steadies her hand and they pull the trigger together.

the story draws to a close. sherry smiles warmly when she learns that jake lowered the asking price of his blood to 50$, feeling satisfied that everything worked out in the end.

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EXCEPT LATER SHE’LL INEVITABLY FIND OUT THAT NOT ONLY WAS THE C-VIRUS MADE FROM HER BLOOD, BUT SHE INADVERTENTLY LEFT PIERS FOR DEAD IN NOT STAYING BEHIND TO FIGHT HAOS ALONGSIDE HIM AND CHRIS

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hey, at least she has jake, right?

………… nvm

bonus round:

while everyone gets super badass costumes for mercenaries mode, sherry gets the outfit she wore during resident evil 2. you know, that time when her insane and heavily-mutated father implanted a deadly virus within her and her mother was brutally slaughtered as the town where she grew up was engulfed in death and flames.

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YOU WAITED 15 YEARS FOR THIS, SHERRY

WAS IT WORTH IT?

(credit for the gameplay videos from where I took the stills goes to tetraninja and zorak0!)

posted 12:12 am on Wednesday, March 6, 2013 with 62 notes
tags » #resident evil #sherry birkin #this is a joke 
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